Romantic Thoughts (and Second Thoughts)



“Will you marry me?” Daniel asked his girlfriend.

“Might as well, we’re already living together,” she said, distracted by the people rushing past her.

They went back into the concert and he told his parents, “She said yes.”

“Well of course she did!  Now be quiet, the show is about to start,” his mom replied.

Ok, I’m exaggerating.  Maybe everyone was a little more excited than that.

But here it is, a year later, and they are no closer to getting married.  The would-be-bride hides behind her frugalness with conversations like this one.

“That’s too expensive.  Why should I pay someone $2,000 so that I can get married on the beach?  It’s the beach, for God’s sake!”

Daniel replies, “There’s a permit to reserve the gazebo and chair rental.  Someone sets up the chairs and takes them down after.”

“Let’s have the guests bring some blankets and we’ll have the ceremony real quick, so that there’s not time for anyone to call the cops on us for not having a permit.  Sheez, who needs chairs for that price!” she answers.

And yet, a year later, no wedding date has been set.

Do some people really dream of someday attaining this stunning level of (non)commitment to the mediocre?  I want more.  I want someone who is fired up about marrying me.  My preacher spoke on that in his last sermon.  We should be fired up for God.  “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine!  Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!”  I’m not trying to compare myself to the Almighty, but I want some semblance of excitement in my intended, when the time comes.

I mean, just look at Sally Ann, my lovely daughter.  Just don’t look too close, ‘cause Penny will hurt you!


But seriously, Penny is stronger than she looks.  Stand back.

Sally and Penny were engaged last July.  Sally has planned and re-planned the wedding.  She has Plan A and Plan B, and a smile on her face at the thought of getting hitched if it all falls through!

I added a Plan C, for California.  “Get married in Texas, however you please.  Then come renew your vows on the beach,” I told her.  Don’t tell the future Mrs. Daniel, but I’d happily pay $2k to see my daughter as a blushing bride on a La Jolla beach.

That’s how love should be – contagious!  Everyone should want to take part!  Originally they were going to wait until after she graduated with her undergraduate degree, but why wait?!  When it’s right, it’s right!

I don’t know whether things will work out with Daniel and his lovely lady.  After all, they may be perfectly happy fiancées  forever.  Or, they could decide to elope this weekend.

All I know is, I want what Sally and Penny have.  I want someone who shines for me.  And I want someone who lights a fire in me.

Really, it’s been too long since I’ve enjoyed a good, hot romance.  And that’s ok.  I’d rather have no romance, than a lukewarm one, any day!

Happy Valentine’s Day!  Or, as Nadia says, Happy VD!



P.S. Gary Mathews came to visit!  More on that in my next post.


Valentine’s Day Memories



My Date Tonight

“Please, God, don’t let my underwear fall on the floor while I’m walking!”  I stood, smiled at my date, and turned to walk to the bathroom across the fancy restaurant.

Each step on the wooden floor moved the underwear down just a little bit.  Quarter inch here for this step, quarter inch for the next step—oh, God, would I make it to the bathroom?!  How far is it?  Another quarter inch, another step.  I turned to see if my date was looking; he wasn’t, he was checking his phone.  GREAT!  Now’s my chance!  I grabbed my underwear through my skirt and hurried the rest of the way into the bathroom.

“That’s the last time that I buy underwear on the Fredrick’s of Hollywood clearance rack!” I told myself.  “This red satin underwear with pink trim, with matching elastic garter set and bra, are not worth the stress!”

I sheepishly replied, “But it was on sale.  And it was so pretty.  How was I supposed to know that it would be half-a-size too large?”  Seeing the death glare from me in the mirror, I shut up.

“Ok, so now I need to pull this shit up, hope that it stays for the rest of the night.  Or I could take it off and stuff it in my purse.”  I looked at my purse, which was a cute little small clutch with barely enough room inside for my keys and cell phone.  Fudgesicles.

“Maybe I have a safety pin in my…purse…?” I started to say, then remembered that I only had the clutch.  In my daily, big, over-stuffed purse, I had two or three safety pins in the sewing kit.

Again, I glared at myself in the mirror.  I might have to buy myself flowers to make up for this fiasco.

I hiked up my underwear ridiculously high, held it at my waist through my skirt while trying to make it look like I just had my hand casually on my hip, and sashayed back to the table.  Smiling once more at my date, I carefully sat down, again praying that my underwear would cooperate for the rest of the date.

That was in 2008.  Thankfully, I got through the night, and was able to laugh about it later.  Much later.

Present Day

That moment when a hottie sends you a friend request on Facebook—YAY!

That moment when you realize that the hottie is just networking because he wants a job—boo!  Use LinkedIn for that, man!  Don’t get my hopes up, especially on Valentine’s weekend!

I’m playing, “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” in my head.  Can you hear it?

Another song that fits well with this weekend is, “I’m a Nut.”

I’m an acorn small and round

Lying on the hard cold ground.

Someone came and stepped on me

That is why I’m cracked you see.

I’m a nut!  (knock on head and cluck tongue twice) I’m a nut! (knock knock) I’m a nut I’m a nut I’m a nut! (knock knock)

Called me up on the telephone

Just to see if I was home.

Asked me out on a little date

Picked me up at half past eight.

I’m a nut!  (knock on head and cluck tongue twice) I’m a nut! (knock knock) I’m a nut I’m a nut I’m a nut! (knock knock)

Put my arm around my waist, if I get fresh I’ll slap my face!

I’m a nut!  (knock on head and cluck tongue twice) I’m a nut! (knock knock) I’m a nut I’m a nut I’m a nut! (knock knock)


I asked myself what I’d most like to do this weekend.  Since my budget was seriously blown by my recent dental surgery and rodent evictions, I decided on cost efficient (read: FREE!) activities: hiking and visiting the museum.  Yesterday was hiking, today is the Dallas Museum of Art.  I spoil me!  < 3

Naughty Nadia Update

Nadia’s quote for the week, “That’s not a Chapstick in my pocket, that’s my dick.”

This gem was told to her while she was making out with her latest guy: a big bad biker man.  You don’t expect this from anyone, really, but a guy with a massive Harley and leather vest?  Well, it was a shocker.

Oh dear.

She wanted me to tell you, “May you enjoy VD while not contracting VD!”


Happy Valentine’s Day, everybody!




No, I did not bring Broke Ass home – this time.