Deodorant Dream Saga
Lilly went to the store and found the deodorant on sale for 3/$5, which is really cheap, but all of it was dessert scented: chocolate, cherry, banana split. Lucas kept handing the cherry vodka flavor.
“No, not that one! I can’t go around smelling like an alkie! Help me pick out another one.”
He wouldn’t! He just kept handing her different sticks of the same cherry vodka scent.
Irritated, she dug through the boxes, which were all jumbled in a magazine rack and hard. She grew more and more upset that he wouldn’t help her.
She woke up pissed off. She still brings it up 6 weeks later, and it was in her dream. That’s right, it was just a dream!
“He wouldn’t help me! He just kept handing me Cherry Vodka scent!” she said, pouting. “I’m missing my favorite brands, and it’s freaking me out a little. I guess that spilled over into my dreams.” Telling me about it, she was almost in tears. Who knew that moving to a foreign country (Australia, in this case) would make someone miss her favorite brand of deodorant?!
The anxiety didn’t stop there. In another dream, Lucas got mad that she put on deodorant before bed. Upon awakening, Lilly asked him, “Honey, would you care if I put on deodorant at bedtime?”
He answered, “I think it’s weird that you wear it all the time, but no, I don’t care.”
Of course not! He might care if she had BO and didn’t wear deodorant, but wearing extra deodorant? Not a problem!
And yet…the Deodorant Dream Saga lives on!
Lilly and Lucas were legally wed in March. However, they’re still planning the Destination Wedding on June 14, 2016, in Hawaii for family and friends. I’m going to be a bridesmaid!
I threatened to boycott when I found out that all of Lucas’s hot Aussie friends were in relationships, but Lilly calmed me down. She promised to help me scout out cute surfers on the beach. (Shhhhh! Don’t tell Lucas!)
Wedding colors are turquoise and pale pink. The bridesmaids (including me!) will wear turquoise, the flower girls will wear pink, and the bride will wear a turquoise and pink sash. With the turquoise ocean and pink orchids, oh, I can’t wait!!!
She can’t work. The immigration officials said that she could come on a tourist visa, then get a work visa. But after she arrived, they told her that she should have applied for the work visa before she moved.
Um, excuse me?!
A partnership visa is very expensive, but is the only visa for which she is qualified. So she ordered the forms and sat down to fill them out. The booklet was about half an inch thick (about 1 centimeter, for those down under). She read halfway down page one, to where it said, “Flip to page 36 for more info.” So she did. A paragraph later, she was directed to flip to page 19. Fine, she flipped to page 19. Two paragraphs down, she read, “Flip to page 40 for more information.” After two hours, she had read about 5 pages. Or parts of 20 pages, really!
Finally she broke down and hired someone to fill out the paperwork for her. For three thousand dollars! I think I’ll go write a really confusing instruction manual, and have people pay me $3k to fill out a few forms.
Heck, give me $300. I’ll figure it out!
Lilly is there on a three-month tourist visa, which will expire in June. Then her bridge visa will keep her legal until the partnership visa is approved. Until then, she can’t work. She can’t drive, because she doesn’t have a car. She may be going a little stir crazy, staying at home with the cats. We accused her of being a crazy cat lady for years. I thought that once she got married, we didn’t have to call her that any more. I might have been a little hasty with that judgment.
Lilly and Lucas got excited one night when they saw a black kangaroo—so they thought. It was as big as a small kangaroo, but those are usually tan. They told their friends, who called BS. That’s when they learned that it was a wallaroo! “Wallaby’s are small and dark brown, while wallaroos are bigger and darker. Lucas didn’t know this. Apparently, Lucas doesn’t know anything about wildlife, like types of birds.” She paused, then corrected herself, “Except for a couple, like the ga-la. The Ga-la is a beautiful bird, and wild—they’re all over–but it’s an insult to be called one because they’re stupid.”
What a great way to insult someone, on the down low! “You remind me of a beautiful Australian bird. To me, you’re a ga-la.” Ha!
“Lucas and I go on random adventures. Like, for our two month anniversary, we visited Our Tree, where he proposed. It was freezing, but romantic!”
Lucas is banned from sharing her food. She had been being nice and sharing. But you know how you save the best bits for last? How you eat the popcorn with just a little caramel on it, saving the wad of caramel corn to savor after all the boring popcorn is gone? She was doing that while watching Grey’s Anatomy. He reached reach over, when she was distracted with one of the really good parts of the show, and grabbed that wad of caramelly goodness out of her hand. THEN HE ATE IT! And the worst part was, she had no fork to stab him with!
I mean, come on! Love is one thing, but to steal someone’s caramel corn out of their hand AFTER she ate all the dry boring popcorn?! That’s an act of terroism!
Another time, they were sharing a cup of ice cream, strawberries, chocolate and waffles. She scraped up chocolate with the waffle and was going for the strawberries, when Lucas grabbed her waffle and ATE IT!!!
Same with the last bite of cake with delicious icing. To his credit, he got up and got another piece. BUT it’s not the same.
There’s a pattern here, Lilly. Better nip it in the bud, before it becomes a habit! Taking someone’s Best Bite Saved for Last is serious business!
“We’ve become one of those couples that I used to despise,” Lilly said with hearts in her eyes. “When he gets gas, he buys me a kinder surprise egg. That’s one of the little things that he does all the time. He always comes up behind me and kisses me. He always tells me that I’m beautiful and gorgeous. He’s wonderful and handsome. And it’s just so nice to be able to be with him and be in his arms all the time. Sometimes I’ll be reaching for his hand and our hands will collide because he was reaching for mine. He tells me that he loves me all the time. We’ll be in the car and I’ll be DJ’ing and I have musical ADD, so I’ll listen to the first 20 sec of a song and change it, and he’ll say, pick a song. But he totally accepts me how I am. I was missing home and wanted biscuits or something from home, so he took me to the US candy store. Isn’t that so sweet?!”
She was crying tear of joy. “I just love him! Oh my gosh!”
I did not cry. I was not crying. I do not cry over mushy shit. Oh, damn, my eyes are watering.
“For all the naysayers who predicted a quick pregnancy, I AM STILL NOT PREGNANT! Nah nah, na nah nah!” Lilly proclaimed.
Well, when you get married unexpectedly, people whisper about shotgun weddings. This time, it was for love. (Damn allergies. My eyes are watering again.)
Tomorrow: Lucas’s Side of the Story.