Romantic Thoughts (and Second Thoughts)

 

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“Will you marry me?” Daniel asked his girlfriend.

“Might as well, we’re already living together,” she said, distracted by the people rushing past her.

They went back into the concert and he told his parents, “She said yes.”

“Well of course she did!  Now be quiet, the show is about to start,” his mom replied.

Ok, I’m exaggerating.  Maybe everyone was a little more excited than that.

But here it is, a year later, and they are no closer to getting married.  The would-be-bride hides behind her frugalness with conversations like this one.

“That’s too expensive.  Why should I pay someone $2,000 so that I can get married on the beach?  It’s the beach, for God’s sake!”

Daniel replies, “There’s a permit to reserve the gazebo and chair rental.  Someone sets up the chairs and takes them down after.”

“Let’s have the guests bring some blankets and we’ll have the ceremony real quick, so that there’s not time for anyone to call the cops on us for not having a permit.  Sheez, who needs chairs for that price!” she answers.

And yet, a year later, no wedding date has been set.

Do some people really dream of someday attaining this stunning level of (non)commitment to the mediocre?  I want more.  I want someone who is fired up about marrying me.  My preacher spoke on that in his last sermon.  We should be fired up for God.  “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine!  Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!”  I’m not trying to compare myself to the Almighty, but I want some semblance of excitement in my intended, when the time comes.

I mean, just look at Sally Ann, my lovely daughter.  Just don’t look too close, ‘cause Penny will hurt you!

Joking!

But seriously, Penny is stronger than she looks.  Stand back.

Sally and Penny were engaged last July.  Sally has planned and re-planned the wedding.  She has Plan A and Plan B, and a smile on her face at the thought of getting hitched if it all falls through!

I added a Plan C, for California.  “Get married in Texas, however you please.  Then come renew your vows on the beach,” I told her.  Don’t tell the future Mrs. Daniel, but I’d happily pay $2k to see my daughter as a blushing bride on a La Jolla beach.

That’s how love should be – contagious!  Everyone should want to take part!  Originally they were going to wait until after she graduated with her undergraduate degree, but why wait?!  When it’s right, it’s right!

I don’t know whether things will work out with Daniel and his lovely lady.  After all, they may be perfectly happy fiancées  forever.  Or, they could decide to elope this weekend.

All I know is, I want what Sally and Penny have.  I want someone who shines for me.  And I want someone who lights a fire in me.

Really, it’s been too long since I’ve enjoyed a good, hot romance.  And that’s ok.  I’d rather have no romance, than a lukewarm one, any day!

Happy Valentine’s Day!  Or, as Nadia says, Happy VD!

Cheers!

Jules

P.S. Gary Mathews came to visit!  More on that in my next post.

 

The Wedding (ch. 19) and Expecting (ch. 20)

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“Why do you get a Best Man, but I don’t get a Best Woman?” I said.  “Dixie is going to be my Best Woman.  After all, she was there for our first real date—not counting bowling—so she ought to be part of the wedding party.”

“Wait, if boot scootin’ was our first date, then does that mean that bowling doesn’t count at all?  Then we didn’t meet on a blind date?” Logan asks playfully.

I sigh.  “We met on a blind date, just like my parents and grandparents,” I clarify.  “But we really didn’t start DATING until months later.  Don’t you think?”

Logan smiles and pulls me close for a kiss.  “Yes, dear,” he says.

“That’s right, you practice saying that,” I say with a smile.

“Is your dad going to walk you down the aisle?” he asks.

“Yes.  I was so nervous when I asked him—this being my second wedding and all—but he said, Whatever makes you happy.  Isn’t that awesome?” I say, smiling wider.  “Oh!  And he’s going to wear his Air Force uniform with all his medals!”

“He’s a good man,” Logan says, kissing me again.

“Stop it!” I say, pushing him away.  “The preacher will be here any minute for the rehearsal.”

“Hey, you’d better be nice to me!  I found Our Song, and I’ll only tell you if you quit abusing me,” he says.

“Oh, tell me tell me tell me!” I say, jumping up and down.  “We’ve only been looking for one for FOREVER!”

“Donna Lewis – I love you, always forever,” Logan says, and kisses me again, before God and everybody.

 

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Dixie was my Best Woman.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 20 ~ Expecting

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“You can only have boys or girls,” Betty Jo tells me.  “I had 3 boys.  My other son has 3 girls.  That’s how it works in our family: you can have one or the other, but not both.”

I laugh.  “My mother had two boys.  Then she told my father, I want a little girl born on my birthday.  Here I am, born just three days after her 30th birthday!”  I rub my pregnant belly.  “Logan and I ordered a little girl, so that our boys would have a little sister.  Mark my words, she is a girl.”

“Have you picked out a name yet?” Betty Jo asks.

“No, I want something that starts with a J, so that we can have Lana and Logan and Jack and Jill?  Not Jill, but something that starts with a J, so that we have the alliteration.  Jasmine is my favorite, because then we can call her Jazzy, but Logan thinks that sounds like a Disney princess.  I want something uncommon; there were always 5 Lana’s in every class at school, I want our little girl to have a more unique name.”

“Sally,” Logan answers.  “I already talked to Lana’s mom and Dixie, and they’re both on board.”

“WHAT?!” I shriek.  “No!  Sally is waaaaay too common a name.  And it doesn’t start with J!”

“What about the middle name?” Betty Jo asks, ignoring me.

“Sally Ann Westmoreland,” he answers.

“Um, no.  If her first name MUST be Sally—and I’m not sure that it will be—then her middle name should be Marie.  Sally Marie Westmoreland just sounds better,” I announce.  “Her initials will be SMW.  That’s an awesome, powerful set of initials.”

“Sally Ann Westmoreland has a nice ring to it,” Betty Jo tells her son.  “I like it.”

“SAW?  Her initials will be a tool?” I ask.

“Like, I saw you standing over there, and you’re beautiful!” Logan answers with a smile.

I huff and fold my arms.  I give him my meanest, We’ll Discuss This Later, look, but he ignores me.

“Hey, Little Girl!  Your parents met in a strip club!” Logan tells her.

“Stop!” I say, and push him.  “Don’t teach her that!”

He laughs and continues, ignoring me, “And your Mom gets very jealous when she sees me with other women.” Sly smile.  “Because she loves me very much.  And I love her, too.”

And we all live happily ever after.

 

********

How I Met Your Father” is the fictionalized account of how I met and fell in love with my second husband.  I wrote it to remember what it’s like to be in a good relationship and fall in love; and I wrote it for Jack and Sally, so that they can remember how they are very much loved.  ❤

 

 

Lilly and Lucas: Wedding Reception

Jules & Lilly <3

Jules & Lilly ❤

Lilly and Lucas were married in March in Australia, in an intimate wedding ceremony.  Their American friends wanted to celebrate with them, so yesterday (October 17th), we did.  The seven month delay was so that the bride and groom could attend the party.  And this month, Lucas stepped onto American soil for the first time.  Here are a few pics that I took at the celebration.  I’ll have more for you after the photographer processes her photos.  Also, here are a few fun pics from the party at Dave & Buster’s later.

Lilly’s biggest complaint about her new husband was, “He kept taking babies away from me!  Seriously, there were seven babies at the reception.  I held three of them and he took each one out of my arms.”

Lilly & Lucas.  Notice who is holding the baby!

Lilly & Lucas. Notice who is holding the baby!

Her friends and I were thrilled that she brought her wedding dress with her.  We had asked her to, but she had never agreed, so we thought we might be disappointed.  Imagine our delight when we saw her all dressed up in her bridal attire!  Lucas looked dapper in his suit as well.  But there’s nothing like a beautiful bride!

Lilly is employed at a doctor’s office and loving it.  It’s busy and stressful and she has great coworkers.  Lucas is finishing up his last few semesters as a nursing student.  He’ll begin work in February.  Best of all, they’re moving into a rent house soon after they return home.  Life is good!

The pics tell the rest of the story.  They’re so in love!  If Lucas will stop taking babies away from Lilly, they could have a long and happy marriage.  ❤

Cheers!  To the newlyweds!

American women LOVE Aussies!

American women LOVE Aussies!

Lucas & Jules

Lucas & Jules

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Centerpieces - love 'em!

Centerpieces – love ’em!

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I wrote advice in their guest book.  LOL, I’m probably not the right person to ask for marriage advice!

Love you, Lilly & Lucas!  Hope to visit you soon!  ❤ ❤ ❤

Happily Ever After – Lilly Update

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Deodorant Dream Saga

Lilly went to the store and found the deodorant on sale for 3/$5, which is really cheap, but all of it was dessert scented: chocolate, cherry, banana split.  Lucas kept handing the cherry vodka flavor.

“No, not that one!  I can’t go around smelling like an alkie!  Help me pick out another one.”

He wouldn’t!  He just kept handing her different sticks of the same cherry vodka scent.

Irritated, she dug through the boxes, which were all jumbled in a magazine rack and hard.  She grew more and more upset that he wouldn’t help her.

She woke up pissed off.  She still brings it up 6 weeks later, and it was in her dream.  That’s right, it was just a dream!

“He wouldn’t help me!  He just kept handing me Cherry Vodka scent!” she said, pouting.  “I’m missing my favorite brands, and it’s freaking me out a little.  I guess that spilled over into my dreams.”  Telling me about it, she was almost in tears.  Who knew that moving to a foreign country (Australia, in this case) would make someone miss her favorite brand of deodorant?!

The anxiety didn’t stop there.  In another dream, Lucas got mad that she put on deodorant before bed.  Upon awakening, Lilly asked him, “Honey, would you care if I put on deodorant at bedtime?”

He answered, “I think it’s weird that you wear it all the time, but no, I don’t care.”

Of course not!  He might care if she had BO and didn’t wear deodorant, but wearing extra deodorant?  Not a problem!

And yet…the Deodorant Dream Saga lives on!

Wedding Plans

Lilly and Lucas were legally wed in March.  However, they’re still planning the Destination Wedding on June 14, 2016, in Hawaii for family and friends.  I’m going to be a bridesmaid!

I threatened to boycott when I found out that all of Lucas’s hot Aussie friends were in relationships, but Lilly calmed me down.  She promised to help me scout out cute surfers on the beach.  (Shhhhh!  Don’t tell Lucas!)

Wedding colors are turquoise and pale pink.   The bridesmaids (including me!) will wear turquoise, the flower girls will wear pink, and the bride will wear a turquoise and pink sash.  With the turquoise ocean and pink orchids, oh, I can’t wait!!!

Visa Drama

She can’t work.  The immigration officials said that she could come on a tourist visa, then get a work visa.  But after she arrived, they told her that she should have applied for the work visa before she moved.

Um, excuse me?!

A partnership visa is very expensive, but is the only visa for which she is qualified.  So she ordered the forms and sat down to fill them out.  The booklet was about half an inch thick (about 1 centimeter, for those down under).  She read halfway down page one, to where it said, “Flip to page 36 for more info.”  So she did.  A paragraph later, she was directed to flip to page 19.  Fine, she flipped to page 19.  Two paragraphs down, she read, “Flip to page 40 for more information.”  After two hours, she had read about 5 pages.  Or parts of 20 pages, really!

Finally she broke down and hired someone to fill out the paperwork for her.   For three thousand dollars!  I think I’ll go write a really confusing instruction manual, and have people pay me $3k to fill out a few forms.

Heck, give me $300.  I’ll figure it out!

Lilly is there on a three-month tourist visa, which will expire in June.  Then her bridge visa will keep her legal until the partnership visa is approved.  Until then, she can’t work.  She can’t drive, because she doesn’t have a car.  She may be going a little stir crazy, staying at home with the cats.  We accused her of being a crazy cat lady for years.  I thought that once she got married, we didn’t have to call her that any more.  I might have been a little hasty with that judgment.

Wallaroo

Black Kangaroo

Lilly and Lucas got excited one night when they saw a black kangaroo—so they thought.  It was as big as a small kangaroo, but those are usually tan.  They told their friends, who called BS.  That’s when they learned that it was a wallaroo!  “Wallaby’s are small and dark brown, while wallaroos are bigger and darker.  Lucas didn’t know this.  Apparently, Lucas doesn’t know anything about wildlife, like types of birds.”  She paused, then corrected herself, “Except for a couple, like the ga-la.  The Ga-la is a beautiful bird, and wild—they’re all over–but it’s an insult to be called one because they’re stupid.”

What a great way to insult someone, on the down low!  “You remind me of a beautiful Australian bird.  To me, you’re a ga-la.”  Ha!

gala

Random Adventures

“Lucas and I go on random adventures.  Like, for our two month anniversary, we visited Our Tree, where he proposed.  It was freezing, but romantic!”

Food

Lucas is banned from sharing her food.  She had been being nice and sharing.  But you know how you save the best bits for last?  How you eat the popcorn with just a little caramel on it, saving the wad of caramel corn to savor after all the boring popcorn is gone?  She was doing that while watching Grey’s Anatomy.  He reached reach over, when she was distracted with one of the really good parts of the show, and grabbed that wad of caramelly goodness out of her hand.  THEN HE ATE IT!  And the worst part was, she had no fork to stab him with!

I mean, come on!  Love is one thing, but to steal someone’s caramel corn out of their hand AFTER she ate all the dry boring popcorn?!  That’s an act of terroism!

Another time, they were sharing a cup of ice cream, strawberries, chocolate and waffles.  She scraped up chocolate with the waffle and was going for the strawberries, when Lucas grabbed her waffle and ATE IT!!!

Same with the last bite of cake with delicious icing.  To his credit, he got up and got another piece.  BUT it’s not the same.

There’s a pattern here, Lilly.  Better nip it in the bud, before it becomes a habit!  Taking someone’s Best Bite Saved for Last is serious business!

Love

“We’ve become one of those couples that I used to despise,” Lilly said with hearts in her eyes.  “When he gets gas, he buys me a kinder surprise egg.  That’s one of the little things that he does all the time.  He always comes up behind me and kisses me.  He always tells me that I’m beautiful and gorgeous.  He’s wonderful and handsome.  And it’s just so nice to be able to be with him and be in his arms all the time.  Sometimes I’ll be reaching for his hand and our hands will collide because he was reaching for mine.  He tells me that he loves me all the time.  We’ll be in the car and I’ll be DJ’ing and I have musical ADD, so I’ll listen to the first 20 sec of a song and change it, and he’ll say, pick a song.  But he totally accepts me how I am.  I was missing home and wanted biscuits or something from home, so he took me to the US candy store.  Isn’t that so sweet?!”

She was crying tear of joy.  “I just love him! Oh my gosh!”

I did not cry.  I was not crying.  I do not cry over mushy shit.  Oh, damn, my eyes are watering.

Announcement

“For all the naysayers who predicted a quick pregnancy, I AM STILL NOT PREGNANT!  Nah nah, na nah nah!” Lilly proclaimed.

Well, when you get married unexpectedly, people whisper about shotgun weddings.  This time, it was for love.  (Damn allergies.  My eyes are watering again.)

Cheers!

Tomorrow: Lucas’s Side of the Story.

Lilly and Lucas Tied The Knot

Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Lucas Blueberry!!

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In a small, intimate ceremony, Lilly Peach married Lucas Blueberry.

“We’re soulmates!  We’re getting married!” Lilly told me.  “My family is very conservative.  They wanted us to get married before we moved in together.  Plus, being married makes getting a work visa in Australia so much easier.  So Lucas said, ‘Babes, let’s do it.  Let’s get married, for real.’  We were already planning the wedding in Hawaii, so we knew that we were going to be married—we just moved up the date, that’s all.  OHMYGOD I’M GETTING MARRIED!!”

That conversation was over a month ago.  Lilly and I went dress shopping for two weddings: March 2015 in Australia and June 2016 in Hawaii.  We didn’t buy any of the dresses that she tried on; her Mimi is making one, and a talented friend make the other.

The unique thing about this wedding is that it’s only the second time that Lilly has visited Australia.  Only the second time that Lilly has visited Australia.  Only the second time that she and her beloved were together.  However, there was over a year of Skype dating prior, and that first visit lasted almost a month.  So this is, by no means, a rush decision.

“It’s just going to be small, like just Lucas, his parents, and me.  Maybe his brothers, maybe a couple of close friends,” Lilly told me.  “One friend will have Mom skyped in, another will have Dad.”  Her parents divorced about a decade ago and live in different cities, so separate Skype screens were mandatory.

Later, she updated me with, “Someone insisted on hiring a photographer.  Someone else is bringing food.”  And later still, “Now the ladies are having hair and makeup done.”

And so the metaphorical snowball rolled down the hill.

We are still going to celebrate Lilly’s and Lucas’s love in lovely Hawaii in June 2016.  The deposit has been paid and the bridesmaid dresses are chosen.  The bride is scoping out a luau and shopping for a hotel.  Her sister and I are tasked with the bachelorette party.  Email me your favorite strippers.  No, nevermind—we’ll just go to La Bare’s, where there are lots of men under one roof.  So I hear.  😉

Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Lucas Blueberry!  Congrats, my darling Lilly Peach-Blueberry!  You make a beautiful bride.  I can’t wait to see you in your next dress, next year!  I’ll see you before that, in September, when you come to visit.  XOXO!

Cheers!

This is not an April Fools Day joke.  Lilly and Lucas are really, truly, legally married! ❤

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Married Men

(Saturday, March 21) “You’re still living with your wife?” I asked.  I tried to keep the shock from showing on my face.  Be cool, I told myself, Just smile and have a good time.  Easier said than done, when I just found out that my date was living with his WIFE!

“Yes, like I said, we’ve been separated for more than a year.  I moved out for a while, but then…” Charlie Coconut looked off into space, thinking about what to say next.  “Well, like I said, it’s complicated.  We have two kids.  It was easier for me to live with them, in another room.”

Huh.  Can you be separated if you’re living in the same house?  I mean, would a judge accept that as legally separated?  I don’t know the law, but I do know that I avoid drama.  And this situation sounds like drama waiting to happen.

We were at the Holy Grail (searched for and found!) Pub for Lilly’s going away party.    Charlie excused himself to take a call, and Lilly’s mom said, “Wow, he is cute!!!  6 foot tall, brown hair, muscles—mmhmm!  How long have you been seeing him?”

I smiled and said, “This is our first date.  I don’t know if we’ll go out again; he’s complicated.”  I briefly explained to her and another friend what Charlie had just told me.  “So, I’m going to tell him that I won’t go out with him again, until after he gets his own place.”

My friends agreed.  “Though it’s a shame.  He’s awfully cute.”

Couldn’t argue with that.

Charlie returned.  He finished his 2nd beer and said, “I’d better not have another, or I’ll be sleeping here tonight.  I’m such a light weight.  I’ve been avoiding alcohol because I’m working out, getting in shape.  I got fat.”

I couldn’t agree with that.  “I wouldn’t say ‘fat.’  Soft, maybe.”  I said, truthfully.  That’s what I call myself; I’m in good shape, but I don’t have a six-pack.

“I’m getting in shape for bikini season,” he said, smiling.  Then he realized how that might be taken, and he added, “I don’t wear bikinis.  I don’t want you to think that I’m some kind of freak.  Oh God, I’m becoming bloggable, aren’t I?!”

I laughed!  I knew what he meant!  He was sweet and adorable and he read my blog!  Control yourself, Jules.  He’s not available.  I scowled at myself and said, He accepted my invitation to come out tonight.  Obviously, he’s interested.  And obviously, I was conflicted, because I was arguing with myself.

The rest of the night went well.  We laughed and joked with Lilly’s friends.  Lilly herself went from smiling to tearful goodbyes.  I looked away; I wasn’t ready for that yet.

As fun as the night was, I had to tell Charlie that I can’t date him until after he gets his own place.  He said, “I understand.  And I’m saving your FWB blog to read later.”

HA!

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Married Man II

Rick Raspberries isn’t exactly married, though he may be common law married.  He’s been living with his girlfriend for a year and a half, but has been with her for 7 years total.  We met at Company H and have become good friends.  Yesterday we hiked together on one of my favorite trails.  But I have to remember that we’re friends, like me and Reggie or me and Lilly: no matter how much I enjoy their company, we will never be anything more.

Unless, of course, Lilly becomes Lilly the Lesbian and flies back to Texas to sweep me off my feet.

I’m not holding my breath.

Match Update

In the meanwhile, my profile is still posted on Match.com.  How’s that going?  Here’s a small part of a recent conversation.

“If you could travel to any era, when would you go?” I ask in my profile.  It’s one of the conversation starter questions that Reggie and I wrote.  The goal is to see if a guy can make me laugh with his answer.

“I would travel back to the late 80’s and invest everything I had in Microsoft & Apple! LOL.  What about you?” Tony wrote.

“I’d go to the future, and see how small or large phones are.  My smart phone amazes me.  I wonder if we’ll have phones embedded in our hands (ala Blade Runner) or use small communicators (Star Trek),” I said.  I change my answer almost every time I’m asked, to keep it fresh.

“Yeah I would also like to travel to the future point in time when they’ve cured all sexually transmitted diseases – just to see how freaky people become? LOL,” Tony replied.

Wow, did he just go from talking about futuristic phones to sex?  Just, wow.

Maybe he’s a fan of Robert Heinlein, who combines science fiction and orgies.  If so, he should have mentioned the author, and even then, this is the 2nd email that the man has ever sent me.  Number two.  Kinda soon to be bringing up sex, IMHO.  I think even Heinlein waited until chapter 2.

Summary

So, instead of hanging out on Match waiting for Mr. Right, I’ve been hanging out with friends.  I just wish that just ONE of them was available!

Got to go, Reggie is on his way over, on his trip from Chicago to Austin.  He may not emotionally available, but at least he’s not married!

Cheers!

Married Neighbors III

(By Reggie, with commentary by Jules)

“Two houses should not be done unless you live in an area where you don’t care about house appreciation and/or school districts.  The houses should be custom built on agricultural land/open space land.  This is to keep the costs down.”

Wait a minute, there, Reggie!  Are you saying that I DON’T need an Evil Genius?  Or a Rich Bachelor?  You’re messing with my plans, here!

“The goal is to keep the houses as small as possible.  This way, chores are kept down.  A bedroom is for sleeping and a study is for computer, writing and work.  In 1950, homes averaged 950 square feet for a family of 4.  Why does the same family need 2100 square feet now?  If you figure a bedroom for each kid, a parental bedroom, and 2 studies with 2.5 baths how is this better than 2 small houses of 950 square feet each?  Only shared space might be a laundry room.”

Because we have more STUFF.  In 1950’s, computers were reserved for universities and filled rooms.  Now, I need a study to hold my desk which, in turn, holds my precious computer.  I also like my large living room, which holds my large TV.  (Ok, so it’s only 46”, which is small by some standards.  I like it.)  My 2,000 square foot home is a little large for just me and Jack, is perfect when Sally visits.  We can entertain a small group of friends, though not a large one.  Geez, how did they have parties in the 1950’s?  Is that why the pictures show people in the backyards barbequing, because they didn’t have room for people in their homes?  No wonder June Cleaver vacuumed in her pearls – the house was so small, it only took her 5 minutes, so she didn’t work up a sweat!

Speaking of vacuuming…

“No one is helping with chores.  Let’s pull that Band-Aid off right now.  It will stop any and all future delusions and the inevitable heartache realizing it isn’t going to happen.  A second house just means you aren’t cleaning up the significant other’s messes.  If the guy mows the lawn he has done his chores.  If he puts away the dishes, congratulations, he is housebroken.  Buy a Roomba if you want the floor vacuumed.”

OMG REALLY?!  REGGIE – come on!!  I was married in the ‘90’s.  I know that men can cook and clean just as well as any woman.  Hell, my ex-husband might even cook better than me!  He certainly likes to eat more than me.  But I digress.  The point is, I believe that if I were to get married again, my man would help with the chores.  Why is there an evil little voice in the back of my head saying, “Maybe that’s why you aren’t married!  You have unrealistic expectations!”  Shut up, Reggie, and get outta my head!

“Please explain the need for 4 bedrooms?  Sally will be over at the house less than 10% of the year.”

Perhaps my daughter will only visit 1 weekend a month, but she has a place to stay when she does.  That child (young lady, now that she’s 18!) kicks in her sleep.  I don’t want to sleep with her.  Do you?  Wait, don’t answer that, she’s legal now.

Plus, I don’t have to explain my choices to you.  I want 2k square foot.  I can afford 2k square foot.  Therefore, I live in 2k square foot.  Don’t judge.  It’s America, and I can do what I want.

Um, if Reggie is like a big brother to me, then he’s bringing out the little sister in me.  I feel like sticking out my tongue all of a sudden.  Which is really weird, given that I’m talking about how I’m a well-paid professional.

“Other advantages:

  • Different schedules don’t interfere with sleep.
  • No fighting over the TV/computer volume.
  • When the lights are on you know they are home and awake.
  • No fights over the toilet seat.  (Why men are expected to lift a seat, but women cannot put it down still baffles me.)
  • You know when there are visitors.  (Nowhere to park except by the gate or the house.)”

Ok, Reggie, you make some good points here.  You have to put the toilet seat down because you can still pee when the seat is down, but if you leave it up, I’m likely to fall in.  Try pulling yourself outta a toilet when you’re pregnant and as big as a whale – it ain’t easy!  I think after the first pregnant woman complained and almost killed her man, the rest just fell into line.  Anyhow, that’s how I envision it.  Pregnant women made strides for women-kind.  They blazed the way for cravings, “yes, dear” and “hell no, you don’t look fat.”

But I digress.

The conclusion that I’ve come to, with all of these musing about two houses, is that if you have the money, go for it.  Live next door to your spouse.  There are a lot of advantages and very few cons.  However, those few cons do include money.  Which means that most of us will be stuck under one roof.  So the moral of the story is, marry someone like Justin who has enough money to buy you the house next door.  Or someone like Reggie, who will buy really cheap land in the country and building you an extra-small house of your very own.  ‘Cause the Jules Strawberries of the world like medium-sized houses and don’t have any money left over to buy you your own.  Which is ok, in the end, ‘cause we only need one bed.

Unless you snore.  Then buy your own house.

Cheers!

This is the third, and final, installment in this series.  Next up: I’m getting a new roommate!