The guys here puzzle me. They talk to me for a little while, then ghost. That is, they disappear without saying, “Goodbye.” I’ve even had nice dates where the guy doesn’t contact me after. It’s possible that their work became busy or they met someone else; but why don’t they send a simple email or text to say as much? I’ve tried sending messages after a few days, and some guys respond, while others don’t. Seems like this happened a bit in Texas, but not nearly as much. How hard is it to send a simple text or message saying, “I found someone else. Good luck!”?
Full disclosure: I dated two guys that were really nice. They were home-bodies who liked to watch movies. One was devoted to classic rock bands and cover bands; the other was devoted to his son. They were so single-minded that after five minutes of conversation, we had NOTHING to talk about. Nothing. I asked them about hiking and sights to see around town, but they didn’t have anything to contribute. So after two dates with the first guy (in January) and one date with the second guy (last week), I texted, “You’re a super nice guy, but we’re not a match. Good luck!”
Both guys texted back, “Thanks, good luck to you, too!”
That’s how it should be done, people! Don’t ghost! Send a simple text.
Easy peezy, and no one is left asking, “WTF happened? Did I accidentally say something offensive? Was there spinach in my teeth? Did they know that I secretly checked out the waiter, who had a really nice ass?”
Or maybe that’s just me.
The most recent guy that I talked to, Ray, expressed interest in me on Match.com. Cool, he’s handsome and a year older than me, so I was interested in him as well. We emailed a couple of times before he asked to talk to me on the phone. Great, I’m happy to cut to the chase, especially after all the ghosts.
His text was a long one, which is odd. It was more like an email! The just was, “I’ve been busy…you seem really smart. I’ll have to brush up on the Periodic Table before I meet you, haha! I’d like to talk to you on the phone.”
So I responded with a time that worked for me to talk, letting him know, “I like my schedules and lists; I’m a planner. : – )”
He replied, “So do I! I’m a project manager : – ) I’ll send you an Outlook invite! Lol”
Great! So far, so good.
That conversation was in the morning. That afternoon, he sent me a screenshot of one of my pictures on Match and said, “Looking at a few pics…this one is my favorite.”
This creeped me out a little. First, he could click a heart on the picture to tell me that he liked it, much like clicking a thumbs up on Facebook. Second, he now has a picture of me on his phone, and we haven’t met. We haven’t even talked on the phone at this point. Third, it’s a pic of me in a Supergirl costume at Comicon, which I don’t consider my best picture, so it’s an odd one to single out.
Then he texted, “Too cute. Nice to see what you’ll do for family.”
I pondered this. The picture’s caption is, “ComiCon Dallas, May 30, 2015. What a great time! I loved seeing the range of costumes. Good times!” My family isn’t mentioned. He may be assuming that I went for my kids, but that’s a big assumption; I may have been there with a date. An alternate interpretation is that he cyberstalked me and found this picture on my blog or Facebook page, both of which have pics of Jack and Ed as well.
It gets worse.
That night, I ran errands and was late making dinner. Rather than talk to him while my dinner got cold or try to talk around a mouthful of food, I asked for a raincheck on the call. His answer was, “Of course. I fly home tomorrow night.” (He was out of town on business.)
Later, he texted, “Still can’t talk? I take it you went out?”
Wow, big assumptions! I could talk at that point; my dinner was long gone. Since he was in a different time zone, however, I thought he’d be asleep. No, I didn’t go out; I am quite single and looking for a guy. If I had a date with a guy, I wouldn’t have scheduled a call with Ray.
I sighed and picked up the phone to call him.
The phone call contained the usual getting-to-know-you chit chat, plus these zingers:
- I mentioned that my daughter was coming to visit me. He said, “I thought your daughter lived with you, and your son lived elsewhere?”
- How did he know that I had a daughter & a son? My profile says that I have two kids, but I never specified their genders. And up to that point in the call, I hadn’t discussed my kids at all.
- He said that lives at the corner of X and Y street.
- THAT’S WHERE I LIVE!!
- Either it’s big coincidence, or he’s STALKING ME.
- I told him that we must be neighbors; I didn’t confirm or deny that we were in the same apartment complex.
- He may work for the NSA and be tracking my cell phone’s every move.
- Eeek! What if he listens to my phone convos and reads my texts?!
- If he does, he might be super bored. He’ll be sending *me* a good luck test soon!
- He admitted to guilting me into calling. “I really wanted to talk to you,” he said.
- On one hand, he is a manipulator.
- On the other, he owns it.
- “I travel Monday through Thursday. I think that’s why I’m single. Could you handle that?”
- Um, chip on your shoulder, much?
- “I work Monday through Thursday, attend yoga, and play softball. I wouldn’t miss you during the week anyway,” I told him honestly.
- “I see where I stand,” he replied huffily, then tried to laugh it off.
- Ok then!
- “I don’t believe in dwelling on the past,” he said, moments before asking, “Why did you get divorced?”
- I answered, “I’d rather not discuss that, at this point. I will tell you that my divorce was final in 2001 and I am well over it.”
- Since this was Wednesday, I asked if he wanted to meet for a drink on Friday. He countered with, “I have plans with a friend on Saturday, but I might be able to reschedule that, and meet you instead.”
- He was finding out if I was free on Saturday.
- He never committed to anything.
- Later in the call, he asked if I had been to the local winery. “Sundays are fun there,” he said.
- He was finding out if I was free on Sunday.
- He never committed to anything.
I am a planner. I don’t like to sit home alone on Friday and Saturday, and I don’t like to be jerked around.
On Thursday, Ray texted, “You’ve been on my mind a lot today.”
Um, ok? What do I say to that? “We’ve talked on the phone once and you haven’t asked me out on a date yet,” I thought. “I’m thinking about you, too. Wondering if I should worry about you showing up on my doorstep, stalker!”
Instead of that, I texted an answer to another comment that he’d made.
On Friday, Ray texted, “I’m staying home tonight because I’m exhausted from my travels. My weekend opened up; let me know if you’d like to grab a drink. I’d like that very much.”
“Well, Jerk, if you’d like that sooooo much, why don’t you ASK ME OUT ON A PROPER DATE?!” I thought. “Show some respect! Don’t treat me like an after-thought or a booty call. I deserve better than that!”
I might be getting jaded and cynical. Just a tad.
I answered, “Ok, enjoy your quiet evening at home.”
Which is just what I did. I poured myself a glass of wine, made myself some nachos, and binge-watched “Elementary.” I spoil me sometimes.
And *that* is why I didn’t have a date this weekend. To all you guys who thinks that women can get laid so easily, THIS!! If I don’t have a date, I don’t get kissed, etc.
On days like this, I call Elizabeth and she expounds on the latest sin that her husband Daniel committed and why she’s so angry at him. Daniel is a super great guy, but (like most of us) isn’t perfect. I let her rant, she feels better, then she says, “See?! Aren’t you glad that you’re single?”
“Thanks, Elizabeth,” I tell her.
“You’re welcome,” she says. “Any time. No, really, I can bitch about Daniel any day of the week, just call back if you need to hear more.”
- Do not ask a person why they got divorced in the first call. Or on the first date. In fact, don’t ask; if they feel like confiding in you, they will.
- Don’t infer that a person was with family if they’re dressed as a superhero. Ok, in my case it was true, but I could’ve been there on a date! Any Doctors in the house? (Preferably David Tennant-era.)
- Ask the person out if you’re interested, to a specific place and time. Don’t feel out whether I have any plans at all, then leave me hanging.
- Don’t be a dick!