“Om! Ommm!” the class chanted.
I sat in yoga class, meditating, as we looked inward. This was a special yoga class, from 10 p.m. to midnight on New Year’s Eve, at Pura Vida in downtown San Diego.
The teacher led us through an exercise where we paired with another person and completed the sentence, “I am…”
My answers were:
- Mother of two
- Mechanical engineer
- Loyal friend
- Sex goddess
Ok, so maybe that last one is just wishful thinking.
“Now, we’re going to pull out another piece of paper, and write down all our negative thoughts. All the bad stuff that happened to you, all the things that are weighing you down—I’m just going to say it. Get that shit out!”
I am happy to say that my list was pretty short. Some people were scribbling furiously and a few even turned their papers over to write on the back. Later, we tore up the paper, and the teacher collected the pieces to burn later. It was freeing, that act of ripping up all the things that I wished had never happened.
2016 was certainly an interesting year for me, complete with a move from Texas to California. The new job is treating me well; I’m learning new software and making new work friends. The job is with a big company, which I find refreshing after working at a small company for over a year. While knowing everyone at the company was cool, just one difficult coworker made my work much less fun. At a larger company, one difficult person is much easier to ignore or avoid. Also, this large company has more narrowly defined roles, so I can concentrate on my core job. Learning how to perform extra tasks was interesting, but I’d rather leave challenging technical work like detailed structural and thermal analyses to the experts. I like doing preliminary analyses, but people spend years becoming experts, and I can’t be an expert in everything.
Outside of work, I re-joined Match.com. I’ve discovered that I’m anxious about guys finding my blog. What will they think of me? Will they think I’m a desperate loser who can’t keep a guy? Or will they think the insight into my psyche is priceless, like Zach did? Will they think that anything I wrote about them is charming and cute, or get angry that I wrote anything at all?
Another dimension to this is my career: I’ve shared the website with some of my closest coworkers, then I’ve tempered my posts, knowing they might read it. This is silly, I know; I should either not share the website with people I know, or write with confidence.
At any rate, all of this anxiety is taking some of the fun out of blogging, so it’s time to shut down this website. It’s been fun, it’s been therapeutic, and it’s been good writing practice.
Another dimension to this is, I’ve come to a point where I want to write to further my career. I’m writing a textbook based on the lessons I’ve learned about a niche topic, which doesn’t seem to have enough in print about it. I want to put my energy into that, instead of into dating guys who won’t remember me in a week and guys who I’ll hope to soon forget.
I still have books two and three outlined of Jules Rules – Dating Adventures; I may yet publish them. But not this year.
Happy New Year! Good luck in all that you do!
PS A guy from Match sent me a dick pic last night, which also helps to cement my decision to date less. It’s only the 2nd one that I’ve ever received; the other was sent during October, wearing a pair of devil horns with the caption, “Happy Halloweenie!”
Guys, even if it has a cute costume, I do NOT want a picture of you cock. And I would bet good money that none of the other women do, either. Keep it in your pants!
- Do what you love, and love what you do.
- Live confidently. If you make a mistake, own it. Mistakes are lessons to be learned. Learn them, and move forward.
- Your dreams should be so big, that they scare you. “Reach for the moon; if you miss, you’ll land amongst the stars.”
- If you have a choice of laughing or crying, laugh. There’s a time to cry; but laughing is usually more fun.
- Take chances. See above; they haven’t always paid off for me, but hey! I’m doing great!
- Don’t send dick pics. Just, don’t. The recipient either knows what it looks like or doesn’t want to know; either way, keep it to yourself. ‘Kay? Thanks.
- If you get invited to do yoga on New Years, or at any time at Pura Vida, go! You may need it more than you think.