“I’m a breast cancer survivor; I’ve been cancer-free for three years now!” Merida told me. We were chatting after speed dating had finished at ComiCon. “You wouldn’t believe the guys who act like they’re doing me a favor by fucking me. Really, just because I’ve gone under the knife, they think they’re doing me a favor!” She fixed her dog’s mask. “I made Causette’s costume from a pillow pet. She doesn’t like it, but I promised that if she wore it today, she can wear one of her favorites tomorrow. I rented the costume – I love how well it fits! – but the hair is mine. People tell me that it’s not long enough, but it’s REAL! It’s my hair! Look, I’ll shake it, it doesn’t come off!”
Her costume and hair were indeed beautiful.
“These guys are so young! There’s only one in our age group – I’m 52—and that’s the guy with the beard,” she said and made a face. I gathered that beards were not her thing.
I asked permission to post her picture and quote her, to which she consented. I always get permission to post people’s pictures on my blog and change their names; that’s my policy to protect the identity of others. I was especially sensitive to that yesterday, since a guy was kicked out for recording his speed dating without permission. He was given a choice: leave, or turn off his recorder and stay. He chose to leave. Cause he’s an asshole who was just there to get an article.
I was there to find true love, AND get an article. See, there’s a difference! 🙂
The guys fell into these categories:
- College students. As in, my son’s age or younger, so definitely too young for me. I prefer 30 and older. Yes, the Fireman was 27, but that didn’t work out because we didn’t have enough in common. So I’m back to 30 and older.
- Bearded guys. There were two: one who smoked (gross!) and the other who could play Santa Claus with just a change of clothes. As in, too old for me, and I’m not even talking about the belly that shook like a bowl full of jelly. No, thank you.
- Argumentative guys. These were probably college students, but I point them out in a separate category, too. These guys actually told me how much they despise Superman. Normally, that wouldn’t be a topic at Speed Dating (I assume), but since I was dressed as Supergirl (or SuperWoman, if you prefer), the topic came up.
- “Superman is lazy! He’s always trying to get out of work!” one guy told me. He wouldn’t even listen to my counterargument that Superman works damn hard to throw nuclear missiles into the sun, save planes and trains from crashing, etc. Pluh-lease. If you don’t agree with my superhero choice, move on, because I really don’t care enough to argue about it. Really, I’m just here to have fun, not start a war over which character kicks more ass. Cause Batman would win. That’s right, I prefer Batman; I just look good in the SuperGirl outfit, so I wore it. Get over it!
- The guy dressed in steam punk apparel was in the Green Lantern camp. He didn’t try to argue, so much as sneered at my choice of lower class hero.
- The job of the guy working the event was to ensure that every lady had at least one number on her contact sheet at the end. That meant that he had to play the game, and write his number down on a lady’s call sheet if no one else did. He was young, and funny, and lived in Massachusetts. When asked if he’d actually show up to a date in Texas, his eyes rolled off to the I’m-lying-side and he said, “Sure, distance isn’t an issue when two people like each other.”
- The movie star handsome guy who ran a website for an entertainment company previously, but now wrote articles. I wonder if he’s blogging about this event, too?
For those of you who have never played this game (Speed Dating, that is), this is how it worked. The ladies sit on one row, facing the middle of the room. The guys sit on the row opposite, facing the ladies. The couples have 2 minutes to talk, then the hostess calls, “Switch!” and the guy moves to the chair on his right. After every guy has talked to every lady, the interview part of the game is done. Then each person writes down which guys/ladies that he/she wants to get to know.
For this event, things were a little different than other organizers have done it. The guys went to one table, while the ladies went to another. We all wrote our badge numbers down on a sheet of paper. Using names was against the rules, to protect everyone’s identity. Then the guys and girls switched places, and we were told to put our contact name and numbers (or email addresses) on the page of the person/people that we’d like to call us.
That’s all well and good, but the guy who wrote his name down on my paper didn’t put his badge number. I have no idea which guy that he was. So I’m going with the theory that if he’s a guy that I like, he has my number and can call me.
Ok, really, I’m afraid that if I call the guy, it will turn out that he’s Santa. Then Santa will have my number. If Santa finds out all the shit that I do, I’ll NEVER EVER get another Christmas present in my life. That’s a risk that I’m not willing to take.
Or, more realistically, the guy-who-looks-like-Santa will have my number and bug me. Shudder. I do not want a Santa-look-alike sending me naked pics! No thank you!
I know, I know, the simplest explanation is the most likely. I could text and ask who he is, he could say that he’s the guy with the beard, then I’d have to say, “No thank you.” It’s just easier to let the guys that I liked, call me. If they want. ‘Cause if they don’t, that’s ok, too, I wasn’t really into them. After all, we had a two minute conversation; I’m not invested.
This is what a GOOD (read: non-argumentative) speed dating chat sounds like, taken from one of the conversations that I had yesterday.
“Hi! What do you do?” I asked. I couldn’t introduce myself (names are against the rules) and we only have 2 minutes, so I jumped right in.
“I’m a geography teacher. I teach high school students. But on the side, I do standup comedy,” he said. He was average in the looks department, a bit geeky, but skinny and nice. “What do you do?”
“I’m a mechanical engineer. I specialize in electronics packaging,” I said.
“Cool,” he said, and nodded. That’s the reaction that I usually get. If guys aren’t intimidated by those impressive-sounding sentences, they usually ask which products that I design. Since the stuff I design isn’t sexy—no Bose speakers or muscle cars—I prefer that they don’t.
“Geography—that must be hard to teach,” I said. I was actually thinking, “Most students hate geography! It requires too much memorization!” but I kept that thought to myself.
“The topic isn’t hard, no. The students can be difficult; they’re freshmen,” he confided.
I nodded, not knowing what else to say.
“Superman is your favorite superhero?” he queried.
I prayed that he wasn’t going to argue with me, like the last guy. “Yes! I love his optimism!” I said enthusiastically.
Teacher took that ball and ran with it. He filled the rest of the conversation with how much he loved Superman. I relaxed; finally, someone who understood! At the end I thanked him and he shook my hand with a limp grip.
Why I was at Speed Dating
“Do the speed dating for your blog,” Reggie texted to me. It was 12:15 p.m. and I was sitting down while Jack and Ed ran around. My high heeled boots were way cute, but I had walked for hours in them and needed a rest. So I had texted Reggie to see what he was doing.
“LOL let me check the schedule. Can’t find it,” I said. It wasn’t on the printed brochure that they handed me when we bought our tickets.
“Literally it would be quite different for a blog,” he added.
I looked online, on my phone’s browser. There it was. “They have 8 different times. Next is at 1, I am meeting Michael soon and a coworker at 1, so I can’t go.”
“7 to 8 p.m.,” Reggie answered. He must’ve found the schedule too.
“Urgh I don’t want to stay that late,” I said. We had arrived at 9:30 and the doors opened at 10. I was really ready to go already; another 8 hours sounded like torture, given the state of my feet after only 2.5 hours.
“Come back later,” Reggie suggested.
I considered it. “I live 40 minutes away,” I answered.
“Quit your whining and do the speed dating for the blog,” Reggie said, heckling me.
He heckled me for a few more minutes before I agreed. And I’m kinda glad that I did; otherwise, I would have wondered whether a Kevin Sorbo would have showed up. Now I know; Kevin, Nathan Fillion, and all the other hunks weren’t there. Damn it, maybe they showed up at the 7 p.m. session!
“Through the group’s Facebook page and word of mouth, Glitch has tallied at least 62 marriages and 43 couples currently engaged after meeting through the sessions…” Holy Sheepskin, Batman!
That’s according an article in the Dallas Morning News, The article also said, “The gender breakdown at most conventions is something close to 80 percent male, Glitch said. To help ensure a roughly equivalent number of men and women, men are charged a fee to participate, usually around $30. Women either get in free or pay a smaller fee, like $3, depending on the anticipated demand.” I didn’t pay a dime; I didn’t realize that the guys paid $30 for the pleasure of my company. Eh, I’m worth it 😉
PS if you look at the pic in the article closely, you can see Merida in the background. I’m sitting on the other side of her. ; – )
PSS Tomorrow: Psych Eval Part II (see Part I here). Plus, I may have a date tonight – wish me luck!